LRH had already passed but at the time COB did not have a compliment of personal staff within "Office of COB". He didn't have his very own personal hairdresser, personal chef, make-up artist, trainer, valet, driver, pilot, computer guy, secretaries, communicators, "ethics" enforcers, typists, and all the “gofers.” This "Office of COB" and personal staff gradually expanded over time as he eliminated, vacated and purged all points below his ascension to the top.

COB did not have a $70,000,000.00 personal palace at the Int base (also known as the “RTC Building” or “Building 50”) plus lavish personal quarters in LA, Clearwater, the Freewinds, St Hill, EU, etc. DM had berthing like many SO members. He lived in the Villas, the Lower Villas where several execs lived.

I had been assigned to the decks for MEST work and lo and behold was assigned to do work in DM's bathroom and shower area. Immediately outside DM's berthing was an aviary full of finches, mostly zebra finches.

On a break from deck work I stepped outside to gaze at DM's pet birds. To my horror the adult finches were killing a baby who was trembling at the floor of the cage. One after another they swooped down with beaks that attacked the tender head of the baby finch whose head was bleeding. The baby finch tweeted in pain. Within seconds the next adult swooped -- it was the equivalent of stoning a human being because the impacts continued relentlessly. I rushed for help. I talked to other deckies, we all gathered around the cage to watch the adults attack the baby finch. Why was this happening? Someone said the cage was overpopulated and this was just "Nature taking its course" perhaps to handle too much competition for food. It was gang activity against a defenseless baby. I asked if someone could alert COB or if I could go to the RTC building to hell him.

"Are you NUTS?" I was yelled at. "You think you can WALK into RTC to tell him of a Finch attack???" (He had no valet at the time, he did not have a fleet of personal staff). I did not have a DM valet to report it to. I was adamant DM should be alerted and when that was ruled out, I said I would put my hand in the cage and remove baby finch before he died a slow painful death.

As a result of all this I was deemed a "trouble maker" -- the kind that "upsets COB" and was removed from DM's berthing area to the carpentry area. I took one last look at the dying baby finch, his eyes were glazed, he did not stand a chance at the group activity attack.

On my way to report to the carpentry area I went to External Comm. I was hoping for intra-org mail from family members in other lower Orgs. No mail for me. I started feeling a bit sad.

Stepping out of External comm I started to run. Running always extroverted my attention and I enjoyed it. I ran swiftly in the foliage of trees west of Del Sol and Qual and ran right into a lower branch and smashed my nose. Blood gushed down. "I am PTS. I am PTS" I am telling myself. I know who I am PTS to. . I am also aware that I cannot blurt out he whose name cannot be mentioned. . I weigh my options.....you see, you cannot really de-PTS up there, you cannot say who you are PTS to. Earlier in time I was one of those guinea pigs run on all the earlier Super Power processes. These have been piloted since 1978!!!  32 years!!  One of the processes -- not confidential -- can be found in Creation of Human Ability: "Where can you be SAFE?" Run repetitvely to EP. The irony of the process is not lost on me. "Safe" huh!

Looking down I saw I was leaving a trail of blood... That worried me because it would likely extend my deck assignment for "pulling in a motivator." I would require more handlings, and more extended deck time. But I was responsible. I ran into the tree, I did it. Oh well.

I headed over to the MLO office to get something to stop the bleeding. The MLO was kind and compassionate and she did various things. Three other girls were with the MLO. They were back from abortions at Riverside Planned Parenthood.

They are pale, they look bleak and wiped out, all were ashen faced. That's how you look after anesthesia. One of them asked the MLO if she could take the rest of the day off to rest. She asked for note from the MLO to give to her senior as she was still expected back on post. The other said her senior demanded she do Lower Conditions plus amends for allowing herself to get pregnant. I see birth control on the counter. I cross-flow all of this as I throw my head back to stop the bleeding.

As I bent over, the blood gushed again. I recalled an LRH auditing process "Tell me something WORSE THAN..." on Grade I.

How big a problem is a dinged up nose compared with a baby lost by ordered abortion? I looked at these three ashen-faced girls who had just been put through the ringer. What is bleeding nose in comparison? No comparable magnitude. I like this process "worse than"...

##########

Fast forward 20 years. I am a tourist in Israel. I am drawn to ancient history. I visit Nazareth, Akabar, Bethlehem, the Dead Sea, The Red Sea, the Sea of Galilee and most all of all Jerusalem.

I do not take the Religious Tour. I am not there for religious purposes. I am there for the history. I spend hours wandering in Old Jerusalem -- sights to behold -- when a door opens unexpectedly on a narrow cobblestone street and my nose get smashed and blood gushes out.

I have only had two nose injuries in my entire life. The Int base and Jerusalem. Jerusalem nose impact is a TRIGGER.

Floods of memories come back, going toward earlier and similar. I have no kleenex. I am leaving a blood trail on the cobblestone streets... I need to do the Confusion formula step, I tell myself "Compare where you are now, to where you were THEN."

The Int base is the headquarters of all the Scientology. Jerusalem is the capital of Israel. I see baby finch with a bleeding head being swooped on.

I see in my mind's eye SP Hall and 40 veteran SO members attacking the one who has to confess his crimes.

And it all comes back like a 3-D movie. It was a Saturday afternoon in Jerusalem and I went back to Saturday mandatory all-base renos that I detested... But then I mused on the better side of it all. Some of the SO members went through hell and high water, but with dogged determination, everyone got through it and jobs were performed with professionalism even when sleep deprived... Looking back to the mindset, we were unenlightened even naïve – we were blinded by our belief in the CAUSE but more so because of loyalty to LRH. There is no question that the Sea Org has some extraordinary people. There is a certain camaraderie and mutual experience that forges a tight team or brotherhood, you cannot experience elsewhere.

As the years progressed, the top of the org board demanded more and more total commitment to the cause and saw that any close connection between friends and family a threat to total commitment to SO and DM.

Hence more and more orders to abort, to divorce and have no close connections so that command is obeyed.

And slowly the power of choice was erased. Support DM and HIS CAUSES and every SO member has no power of choice. The point here is there was no escape from having to choose. It was DM's way or the Gulag or worse.

I hail a cab and tell him "King David Hotel." He likes the destination but does not want blood dripping in the cab. I offer him a generous tip to find some tissues.... he is happy, he has no idea of the thoughts in my mind or that I am partially back at Int base mentally.

I hand him a huge tip. It is a Saturday afternoon in Jerusalem and I am comparing my Freedom and my Life, on my terms, to how it was back then. I am doing a Confusion Formula far far from home and I feel emotions and a deep empathy for those left behind.

Written by Karen de la Carriere/Jentzsch (posts as "Karen#1" and formerly posted as "War and Peace")
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